You Are the Main Character

In popular media, people’s background context is often told explicitly to help us, the audience, understand characters quickly and get focused on the storytelling. Blockbuster movies tend to quickly attribute the highest influence to those characters who have an Ivy League education or surged to success within their careers in record-breaking time. Iron Man is a great example because he’s a super genius who went to MIT, and that equates to inherent goodness as a superhero. When I sit down on the couch and consume content like this, comparing myself to these characters and pieces of media, I get the feeling that I’m incredibly ordinary. That I’m too typical. One of the “extras” walking around in the background who has no interesting story to tell. It’s so easy to forget a crucial detail— these protagonists are fake characters in a fake world. In our world, it’s our choices that define success. The ripples that we make in this giant pool of relationships. How we build connections with each other and how intentional we are about leading through grace.

So much of our lives consist of events that just happen to us—it’s out of our control. The beautiful part of life is what we choose to do in response to these cases of good or bad luck. Our reactions are what define us as humans and bring influence to those around us.

I recently finished a book by clinical psychologist Dr. Meg Jay, which describes the importance of “weak ties.” These are connections we’ve made that are outside of our everyday circle of those we know well. Weak ties are incredibly important because they have a beautifully dissonant perspective compared to our own. Our strong ties—typically family and close friends—tend to share very similar opinions and worldviews as us. When we stick to our close circle of strong ties, we unknowingly limit ourselves. Of course, best friends and family rock! But they typically live mirrored versions of our own lives.

Birds of a feather flock together, but enriching, exciting experiences come from outside of our comfort zone.

The best experiences of my life thus far have come from pushing outside of my boundaries, making choices to pursue experiences that excite me.

My freshman year of college I had no idea which spaces to join. I ended up desperately applying to an organization called Women in Business at 11:45 pm the night the application was due. I had no idea whether they would take me in, but knew I needed to find a community in college. Two weeks later I had made it through three rounds of interviews and was officially a “Wiblet” (the adorable name for first-year WIB members). That same year, WIB highlighted an opportunity to intern for MORE Magazine. I threw my hat in the ring and ended up spending all of 2022 with MORE, graduating to lead intern and being graciously offered the experience to lead a cohort of my peers in developing this space to seek more for each other. I spent that year building a professional network of some of the most driven women I’ve ever met. I failed at tasks, I got nervous I would do something wrong (and sometimes this was true!), and ultimately, I grew more than I ever imagined. I never would have anticipated the beautiful experiences that late night application in my freshman year would lead to if I didn’t just go for it.

In my second semester, I decided to go through sorority recruitment. It was a world I was completely unfamiliar with, but a class friend convinced me to go out of my comfort zone and try it. Boy, I had no idea how that seemingly small decision would change my life. On my campus there are 22 chapters and roughly 2,000 potential new members who search for the right fit for them each year. Looking back, there’s so much chance that goes into where someone lands. Maybe you have a great conversation with someone one day, but the next day you wake up too tired and lack energy. It’s nerve-wracking and often unfair. But I stuck through it all and ended up finding the best community for my own personal development. I’ve had both highs and lows in this space, and it was my reactions to these experiences that forged my collegiate experience.

Sophomore year I experienced an act of racism in my sorority. I have so much respect for my sisters because the situation was handled promptly and respectfully, but it left me wondering a lot about how someone like me, an Asian-American woman, fits into a predominantly white system like the Greek community. Should I shy away and find a new space to focus on? It didn’t have to be my responsibility to work on fixing a system ingrained in whiteness. But this was a community of people I loved.

Instead of turning away, I decided to run for President of my sorority. I knew it was my duty to serve the space via leadership and contribute to a stronger culture of acceptance within Greek life.

This reaction rooted in intentionality led me to build so many beautiful relationships with others in my organization. I flourished professionally and personally, learning so much about myself and what I value. I met so many “weak ties” in this space that have opened my eyes to new and exciting corners of the world and my school.

When junior year rolled around, my best friend asked me if I wanted to study abroad in Berlin with her. I had never thought about going there before. I said yes. There were only eight students in the business school who chose to go to Berlin. For reference, around 300 juniors from my school study abroad in Barcelona each year. At the time, deciding to go to Berlin with only my best friend seemed like one of the most random choices of my life, yet it felt so right. We were leaving to build a new community of weak ties and find intentional, personal growth. It worked. We managed to travel to 21 cities and 16 countries on a student’s budget. Our relationship grew tenfold, and we now have these beautiful memories to share with each other for life.

Now at the end of my collegiate experience, I keep reflecting on these past four years and how I plan to translate these experiences postgrad. There've been so many poetic experiences—for one, as a senior I now live in the same college house my former mentor hosted me in four years ago. She inspired me to follow in her footsteps, and now I serve as a freshman mentor to three awesome women. I faced this fear I had nipping at me that we might not relate to each other. I feared I hadn’t “done enough” in college to help them find their own paths. It was a case of this blockbuster movie imposter syndrome hitting me again. Don’t worry, the fear was never realized—these mentees have done so much to inspire me, and I hope I’ve been able to do the same for them.

Spaces that offer opportunities for intentionality grant those of us interested in living consciously a place to exist and spread love. It’s such a beautiful thing to belong within a community that not only cares about your diverse background but also offers you a chance to share your voice. I implore you to find niches like these that speak to you. Those experiences that make you take a step out of your comfort zone but feel so damn right. It’s what makes us so much more than an extra in the background of another blockbuster movie.

It takes a village of weak ties who are strong enough to create a space that can help us all grow.

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By Faith Peebles